a rant about comparing myself to others
it actually feels weird to know that im not the best at something. no, the best isnt the right word. i mean good. its weird to know im not good at something i do.
i am not an idiot, that doesnt get to me in any way that makes me stop doing stuff. its kind of annoying because compared to my peers at school, im very good at most things i do. then i compare it to litterally anyone else and i barely know the basics?
it was 7 or 8 years ago i started piano lessons, my teacher retired a few years in. i know what a scale is but no clue how do play one, i can read sheet music but i work much better off muscle memory. i cant tell what note something is from ear tho. in terms of music im much better by the ear at drums. there are less things to hit, and half of them sound the same if you hit them right. so often when im listening to music ill just start playing the air drums to the beat.
i dont know anyone that can do programing. but i dont really understand the diference between oop and function based systems. i code in c# and python, i think i know a class based system? make a class, the class does things, but the class has functions in it that can be called from anywhere in order to make it easier to get it to do something.
compared to my peers at school; i am a good writer, my friends ask me for advice on wether something makes sense. but i dont really know what im doing. i am not great at editing past a certain point. i do the note taking, the initial write and then 1 or 2 passes of a parahphrasing and does this need to be in there and im done.
drawing is actually an outlier. i have friends that are very good at drawing. but of course i havent opened pintrest in months because i will compare my work to others. however i do think i am good at just putting something on paper. and i draw based on emotion not for the purpose of making an artwork to share.
i know i compare myself to others too much. but this is not something i will ever change, it also isnt something i want to try and stop. i know that at times it is bad for me but also it is helpful for getting me to know what to learn. i am ahead of most of my peers in learning, so most of my learning is done independantly and ahead of the curve. this gives me the freedom do go off on side tangents, but it also means i dont know what the hell im meant to teach myself? comparing my skills to others helps