Thoughts Of A Guy Named Mason

Take risks and dont die

I have just come back from my schools camp. My bloody god what an overwhelming experience, I wont bore over it currently tho as Im not a fan of reflection on things that bring me stress.

Rather today I have a single story to tell, that eventually becomes a throwback to crushes or something, the second post I had ever written.

On the bus ride home the bus nearly crashes, someone on the freeway merged between 2 slowing down trucks. I was very fucking scared, and somehow I was the only one who was.

Its not about what did happen, no one was injured, my brain will always stress out about what might happen.

I did some writing on the bus just after that happened.

Chapter 15

I feel I am nearing the end of a chapter in my life.

I am scared of a lot of things. How bad is doubling up on facing those fears?

...

I cant explain what part of me is fighting every logical conclusion with fear.

Yes, I am scared, am I more scared of that than I am death?

I don't want the chapter about appreciating what exists to be the chapter the protagonist no longer exists.

For some context. fears: one of my teachers had told me something on the first night when I got really overwhelmed by a team building exercise that doesn't work unless all 20 people are able to keep their cool under preasure and not yell.

Do not let your fears hold you back in life. I know you are capable of great things and I want you to see that through

And the fear I talk about in the writing i did on the way home was that I have a crush on one of my friends. Yay, this totally doesn't stress me out.

People often say things like:

There is no time like the present

When you die you will regret the things you didn't do

So... 'Every logical conclusion' for me is to be honest and just tell her, whats the worst that could happen I get rejected? Well I also get something off my chest. Best case scenario that doesn't happen.

Buuuuut. I am scared.

If we do not learn from history then we are doomed to repeat it

And my history says I will get my emotions hurt and feel like shit for a few weeks. I just goddam hope that is not the thing from history I need to learn.

I would like to end this post with an action. Or a call to action. I will make myself do something, I am just anxious.

I hope you have had similar feelings before.

We had a presentation by a guy that runs some VET(Vocational Education & Training) programs through the government around here. One thing he said that stuck with me was.

You need to take risks in life, try something new, worst case scenario you learn thats not something you can do and go find a different thing.

While this is in the context of education and VET courses as they are subsidiesed for high school students so his point was for us to just try one because its free and replaces like 2 or 3 subjects from the standard curiculum that you dont need to do to graduate.

I am still extrapolating it into daily life.

It is too late to tell her in person, So uh.

I have a crush on you. Wow that looks like a really cringe message and this isnt helping.

And that is where I leave, thank you ladies and gentlemen and uhh yeah.

Make your own meaning.

EDIT: After the initial anxiety, as in 30 seconds later, I feel calm